Interview Stories

Story I

E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Companydon't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u!


Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.

E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for agirlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personal issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?

E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!

Story III
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because Mycompanyis dealing with arts, our company requested an artist!

Story IV
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit!

Story V
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshoper"!(Job hoper lah!)

Story VI
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce!

Story VII
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Willaffectour managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!!

Interesting Facts

1. Should women have children after 35?
No, 35 children are more than enough!

2. No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

3. Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes annual free trip
around the Sun.

4. Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep.

5. Alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who is in a hurry?

6. Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours!

7. God made relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends!

8. Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my
handwriting!

9. Do you know of an Indian who parked his car in front of a board
which said: FINE FOR PARKING ?

10. A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began,"you've
been brought here for drinking." "Great," the drunk
exclaimed

11. Whom are you working for? Same people. My wife and four kids.

12. I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.Yes , Meow.

13. Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married
just to be different.

14. When a wife was asked,"What book do you like best?" she answers:"My
husband's cheque book."

15. Girlfriend:"And are you sure you love me and noone else?"
Boyfriend: "Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday."

16. Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colours do you have?

17. My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.

18. Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love!

19. Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating?
Sam : No, sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

20. Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much, Dad, just a radio with a sports car around it!

Problem vs Solution

Case 1 :



When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out
that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the
writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12
million.





They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature
range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.





And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.



Case 2 :





One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the
case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan's biggest
cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had
bought a soapbox that was empty.





Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly! Line,
which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery
department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line
empty.





Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.





Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with
high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes
that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No
doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount
to do so.





But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the
same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but
instead came out with another solution.





He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the
assembly line.
He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply
blew the empty boxes out of the line.




Moral



Always look for simple solutions.



Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems.

Mathematical Brothers

Q: There are three brothers. The name of middle one is "chotu". So what is the name of other two?


A: cho1 & cho3

Intelligent Sardar

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike.
He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says,What's in the bags?'
'Sand,' answered the sardarji.Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off thebike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains the sardarji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross theborder.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbalasks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardaji.Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to the sardaji, and crosses the border on his bike.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, the sardaji, doesn't show up one day and theguard meets him in a 'dhaba' in Islamabad.'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'






The sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes.'

How to kill a lion By? .....Companies!!!

No offences to anybody.. just enjoy


Cognizant Method:
hire a lion...
ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit. give them same gobi 65 to eat hire 200 more....... and more .......
lion dies due 2 too much eating n less exercise!!!

TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration

Kanbay Method:
Hire a Cat;
give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die

Bosch method:
hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat ..
he will die eventually of frustration...

IBM's metbod:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in a n hour ...
he dies of unemployment...

Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain

i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow,
tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories,
tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:
hire a lion .tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and
reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of be coming CAT.....

Patni method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........!!!!

Accenture Method:
Hire a lion....Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi speaking ppl...
No good food No water..
and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST
INFOSYS METHOD:
HIRE A LION.....
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
...................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE!
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPRE EXAM
...........................................LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPRE EXAM
..................................................CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
..........................................MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE ...

Where r u from?

Scenario 1:
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in........Kolkata

Scenario 2:
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's.............Mumbai

Scenario 3:
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's.........Delhi

Scenario 4:
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall.
That's..........Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5:
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's.........Bangalore

Scenario 6:
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's.........Chennai.

Scenario 7:
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Soon, 50 guys are fighting.
You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB